YellowFlamingo25

When I was 5 I drank a sip of my mother’s wine – Red and dry – Thinking it must taste delicious As I was not allowed to have any When I was 10 I had my first drop of champagne – The bubbles went up my nose – And I laughed, giddy and proud of myself For being so grown up At 17, I had my first taste of sickly sweet rum That I found in the back of my parents’ liquor cabinet It burned my throat but I kept drinking Wanting to stop thinking, and live for once Later that year I got drunk off of everything I could find Thinking that the more the world spun the happier My life would become, not understanding th

Memories They come back to you in bursts Waves of feeling crashing Swelling and splashing Residue of pain, love, regret Spraying across your already Destroyed soul It is like a gunshot Into your heart One moment you are fine And then some tiny thing Triggers a moment from the Past, and you are filled with Loss

What do you do when you are broken? And everything you once knew is no longer When your heart is a crumpled pile of half-formed Emotions When love is no longer a joyous occasion, but one of Pain What do you do when you no longer know yourself? When you look in the mirror and a stranger stares back Eyes haunted and glassy, skin pale, dry lips turned up in a Wry Smile What are those bruises upon your ivory neck? Did those happen in a dream-turned-reality? They turn purple then green but never seem to fade Dreams are an interesting state of being But when are we not in a dream? We create them for ourselves, living happily within

Long after your kisses fade from my skin and Your touch becomes but a ghost of contact (I shiver as I think of fingertips brushing on skin) (Is that you? Have thoughts transformed into reality?) The words remain, the loving rhymes and rhythms I wrote in times of joy and in times of pain Their pixels haunting me, reminding me of what once was You can try to forget, try to move on, but then you Read over the words written by Love and you Cannot stop remembering Long after feelings dissipate – Love, Lust, Hurt – The words written when they were poignant Remain – and they are a sullen specter, twisting Their way into

There are the days when everything is brighter Thoughts tap dancing across my mind Dreams escaping my subconscious Energy flowing out of my fingertips My heart swelling with love and delight A smile adorning my face Eyes bright with laughter I don't need food or sleep I run off of Magic Ideas seem to explode from within me Spilling out into the world Then my body crumples to ash And the world becomes dark, a Shadowy void of doubt and fears Paranoia grips at my chest, depression Lingers in my mind, slowing my thoughts, Each breath becomes deliberate and effortful Each movement a chore, slow and steady Existential angst seem